Iād really appreciate some advice on my writing. Technically itās my second fanfic, but my first āproperā one imo. Started it last night (been in my head a few years), and I like it but Iām insecure over the quality (stupid, I know, as if art has an objective quality). But Iād appreciate it if anyone has any comments. Itās intended to be quite long, and this is just an intro snippet. No spoilers are in the snippet either. Itās around 800 words atm.
Iāll publish it and several others to AO3, but rn Iām just insecure. And it might be a while because I need to get over my inability to start projects. Still havenāt even thought of a good title 
Itās a Torchwood fic, with original characters (though Syriath and Suzie, and a few others appear later on), which takes place in The Nethersphere. I take some creative liberties with the settings/lore.
Summary
The Sunset Years bar sat at the edge of The City, overlooking the sea that stretched out, beyond, into the lifeless blackness. Dark waves lapped at the silver chains wrapped around Lottieās boots, the foam pooling at her ankles. Save for the trickling of rainwater, and the soft electrical whirring of the neon-orange āSunset Yearsā sign behind her, the night would prove itself a quiet one.
Lottie slowly wandered following the shoreline, as she had done many previous nights before. Retracing her footsteps in the silver sand, it almost lulled her into a peaceful trance, lost within her mind yet not in thought. A passenger within her own body.
It was the bite of the cool winds that abruptly shook her from her serene daze, and she took in her whereabouts.
Lottie had come to the furthest reach of The City. Before her, the neon-lit streets followed the curvature of the dome. What Lottie once wouldāve called the sky no longer existed, as above her, there was only The City. Lottie gazed at the only horizon she would ever lay her eyes on again- the only horizon any of them would ever lay their eyes on again- that which offered nothing but an endless void that was the blackened sea. The City wrapped around itself, the towers reaching downwards like the great fangs of a beast, or like tears from the heavens- she thought-, all converging towards the single gaping maw of the horizon. There was nothing but The City, and The City was eternal.
The sand satisfyingly crunched wetly beneath her boots as she gradually crossed her way over to The Sunset Years Bar. Lottie moved as if guided by a gentle unseen force, not hurrying, not drifting, but caught in a strange dance of her own making- where every step felt purposeful, yet detached from the world around her - a slow deliberate twirl, as if falling within a dream.
Approaching The Sunset Yearās balcony, the young girl caught herself, and began to shake her jacket, skirt, and boots free of any sand - not unlike a cat shaking itself of rainwater.
The barās woodwork had worn and knackered with age, clearly having been built much prior to the surrounding buildings, which arose like dark obelisks, towering, ominous, as if Lottie were lost in a Redwood at night. The only signs of life, the light illuminating from the windows, like a dwelling of fireflies, taking refuge in the forest. Some of the barās neon lettering had tilted, flickering yellow in an effort to survive, and casting beams of gold into the shallow sea below. Along the balcony were real- physical- papered posters, advertising movies of an era long passed, which caught Lottieās eye. It seemed to be an Old Western movie, a lost sequel to a plethora of other films - films she recognized, from before she came to The City. This confused her somewhat as her memories seemed blurred and hastily meshed together without care for structure nor time. And rather like an echo, she feared they would soon begin to fade.
Between her fingers, she let the edge of the poster flitter in the wind, as she pondered the ultimate fate of the deceased stars the advertisement heralded. Had their lives been fulfilling? Were they happy, in the end?
No -shaking her head - she couldnāt allow herself to ruminate on their tales, for her own fortitudeās sake. At least not tonight. Better to be lost in her own mind, drifting - safer even- for the time being.
āYou all-right, Love?ā hollered the bartender, āLittle thing like you, shouldnāt be out so late.ā
A woman, sat on one of the outdoor bar stools- tsked in response, āWay to attract customers Deus,ā she giggled, āand besides, I could do with some company.ā The woman patted a stool next to her, waving Lottie over.
āThy dunt need any other company than me!ā Deus playfully retorted, a teasing glint in his eyes as he finished drying a small glass.
āSimmer darnā, she said, watching as Lottie took a seat, quietly muttering her thanks. āMe nameās Dixie,ā
āLottie.ā a brief, scripted smile, āSorry, but Iām not really here to drink. Just looking for a place to stay.ā
Deus leaned over the counter, himself smiling too, albeit ruefully, āNo one comes āere to drink, Love. Not anymore.ā For a moment, his eyes got lost in the black sea, retreating backwards into his mind. His face fell.
It was then that Lottie noted how Dixie tapped her ruby-painted fingernails on the bar counter, disrupting Deus from his haze. āOh yesā¦ Er- a couple rooms upstairs,ā he cleared his throat, āAre you sure I canāt get either of you two anything? Itād be a right shame yāknow, if you donāt stay a bit- I mean - itād be like old times, eh?ā The bartender punctuated his words with a big, hopeful grin, ear- to-ear.
āI didnāt drink back then either,ā Lottie shrugged, not making eye-contact, āI guess an orange juice would be niceā¦ā
āRight then!ā He clapped his paw-like hands together in joy.
āAnd just a cider for me, thanksā Dixie called.
āJust like the ones Mam used to have?ā
Dixie chuckled, āAye, just like Mamāsā
Thanks for reading the snippet too, and pls be honest =)
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